Adventures in IKEA

What is it with me and IKEA? It seems like every time I go there, something strange happens. Am I the only one? (Don't answer that.) Last time I was there, I had my belly rubbed by a complete stranger. Another time, I almost got in a throw-down with an extremely rude woman and her foul-mouthed, wheelchair bound mother. But perhaps I should save that story for another time. Let me tell you about the most recent IKEA incident, which occurred just yesterday.

Jay had the day off, so we decided to take Bea & Dex (Natalie is in school, of course) to IKEA for some window shopping and cinnamon rolls. Everything was going smoothly except for the D-Man. He just was not in the mood to be in the stroller. But, since he still prefers crawling to walking 90% of the time, he was stroller bound. He was not happy. And I don't know if you've ever heard "unhappy Dexter," but it's not pretty. He SCREAMS. Loudly. And kind of girly. And he doesn't stop. I always see people trying to find the source of the screech to make sure that some kid isn't being abused or abducted.

Anyway, that was the mood Dex was in yesterday, so Jay and I did the only thing that we can do in those situations: we ignored him. He went back and forth between quiet happiness and blood-curdling screaming, and we continued our shopping. We finally made our way to the downstairs part of IKEA when we passed a woman that I had seen earlier. I remember seeing her before because she was one of those people who beg to be noticed: she was wearing a vulgar tank top, covered in equally vulgar tattoos, and had a shaved head. Yes, you heard that right. Anyway... I wouldn't have paid her any attention except that Dexter started screaming right as we were passing her and I heard her say, "Ugh, it's that kid again," in a disgusted voice.

Well, of course I gave her my best fire-shooting-from-my-eyeballs look, but she didn't see it. I told Jay what she said and he just started laughing. Then he turned around and made sure to park the stroller right by her and her companions as he pretended to look at some picture frames. Jay was very disappointed when Dexter stopped screaming. He wanted to torture Ms. Tattoo a little longer. I had to walk away because I was laughing too much. I would never have had the guts to do that, but I'm glad Jay did.

Seriously, what is wrong with people? Obviously Ms. Tattoo has no children and has never tried to keep a toddler happy in a store. It's not like we *want* him to scream, but short of stuffing him with ice cream (which we eventually did), there's not much to do. It's just something he needs to grow out of, and something we need to ignore unless we want to give in to all of his demands and turn him into a complete brat down the line. No thank you.

I will say that my faith in people was restored a little when, a few moments later, we passed a woman with a toddler and she gave us the sympathetic "I know what you're going through and I'm not judging you" smile. In my heart I know there are more people like her and less judgmental-bald-headed-tattooed women in the world, and that is very comforting indeed.

But I think I'm going to take a little bit of a break from IKEA nonetheless.