Where everybody knows your name

OFFICER FEAR.

Sounds good, doesn't it? Tough. Intimidating, even. I mean, really, could Jay have picked a better career with a last name like his, or what? The only one that would be better would be a dentist... there's something very "Little Shop of Horrors" about a dentist named Dr. Fear. But I digress.

FEAR is going to look just plain awesome on his nameplate when he's an officer, but unfortunately it doesn't have the same effect on his current cadet uniform. It reads more like "I'm scared" than "I have no."

Let me quickly explain that the main goal of any cadet is to fly under the radar. You want to walk across the stage on graduation day and have the Staff whisper to each other "Who is that?" It just makes life a lot easier. Unfortunately for Jay, that's impossible. Even on Day 1, a Staff Sgt said, "Fear... yeah, we're going to have fun with that name." And they have.

One day when Jay was walking out of the chow hall he passed by one of the Staff tables and overheard his name. It was the Lt speaking, so of course Jay perked up his ears. The Lt, who is, in Jay's words, "the most intimidating guy I've ever met," said to one of the other officers, "Fear, huh? That's a tight last name." Even though it was a compliment, he didn't really like knowing that the Lt knew his name. He didn't think much of it, though, because he figured the Lt would quickly forget the face that went with the name...

Weeks passed. Then one day Jay was bookin' it to class when he saw the Lt standing on the sidewalk with a few other officers. Jay walked toward them and contemplated in his mind the best way to address the group. Should he say good morning sir? Or good morning Lt? How should he address the other officers? He made his decision and then promptly called out "Good Afternoon Lt...." Crap! It was only 11:30 a.m. and he just said "afternoon." Ugh! He had heard the Lt ream people for that very mistake before, but he just kept walking, hoping the Lt hadn't really noticed. He was about 100 feet away (and thinking he was free) when he heard the Lt's booming voice carrying across the sky "FEAR!! It's MORNING." Jay stopped. He went to attention, turned around, and said, "Yes, sir! I apologize. Good morning, Lt!" The Lt then gave him the "get out of here" nod, and Jay escaped without too much trouble. However, it became painfully obvious that the Lt had not forgotten who he was.

A similar thing happened later in the same week, except this time Jay was waiting in line to enter the chow hall. It was morning and he was in his PT gear (navy sweats & sweatshirt) so his name was nowhere on his uniform. As he was waiting, another Officer walked by, turned to Jay and said "Fear! I think so-and-so wants to see you." Jay came to attention and answered him accordingly, but inside he was thinking, "You've got to be kidding me! I'm in my sweats! There are 300 cadets here! How does he know me?!?!?"

Yeah... there will be no flying under the radar for Jay.

But there will also be no one with a cooler name being called out across the gym on graduation day. And you can take that to the bank.